On My Own

And now I'm all alone again, no where to go no one to turn to,
I did not want your money sir, I came out here cause I was told to
And now the night is near
And I can make believe he's here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head.

On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone, I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me.

In the rain the pavcement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me for ever and forever.

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us.

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him the world around me changes
The trees are bere and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers.

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known!

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own.

Five Years

Is a subtle, tricky thing. Five years. Five years I've had you, five years you've been there for me through deaths and weddings and fights and loves. You been there for me when I felt like my heart was ripping in two because of other people. You've been there for me at my absolute worst moments - and you've been there for me at my absolute most triumphant moment. We started out rocky, if close. I never thought the elf-like thing sitting next to me in class would become my handsome, amazing, best friend. I love you. I love you so much and I knew this was coming, I knew because you were always destined for things greater than this town. But it doesn't make it any easier to let go, any easier to say goodbye to your constant companionship. It's a fact of life. But when you have so few friends in the first place, and you occupy such a big space in my heart, it still hurts. It hurts a lot and I love you so much you'll never even figure it out because you gave me something that is worth more than the entire world. There are some people I know who I want to completely leave. To completely shun away and think that it would be so much easier to just cut them out completely even though I'm still bound to them. Not you. I take all of you. All your strengths and flaws and accept it wholly. I'll never stop believing in you and I'll never stop being your friend. Absence makes the heart grow fonder but absence hurts. It hurts so bad. I take all of you, all the good and the bad, and I give you in return, my everlasting friendship. The last five years have been... unbelievable. There's a lot of history to us, even if I'm not the friend you've had the longest. But you are the friend I've had the longest and that's something...

So I wish you the best of luck in everything, and I know that you'll do amazing things the same way I'll do amazing things. And it's not goodbye at all, but 'see you later'. Absence makes the heart grow fonder but still, absence hurts. And thank you. So much. For absolutely everything.

Neglect

I've neglected my blog for awhile. I need to get back on track before the year starts again, throwing its many obstacles. I feel so overwhelmed, and sometimes I don't know what to do. Sometimes I can't remember who I'm supposed to lean on. People I thought I loved lashing out, people I don't even know are accepting me with open arms. I'm repulsed and drawn to people at random and it's a bit disconcerting. I have no clue how this is going to turn out during the year. I've neglected friends who I still love and it bothers me that I've been so terrible. And there are people who I cut out because I couldn't deal with them anymore that have popped back up, all aggression and faulting. What to do, what to do. The dilemma is frightening.