You'd neve know

that I feel this way... But then again, you don't want to look outside your own ingrained self-righteousness, right?

Hallelujah

by Rufus Wrainwright is stuck in my head.



Which has nothing of significance to do with my blog at this moment in time. No Fear, right? I'm trying to keep myself going. I don't know, I absolutely love the place I'm in right now except for a few minor glitches, but it really is difficult working to get to the place you want to be in life. I needed the kick in the ass, I needed the tough love but it's still quite hard. There is no time for me to be stagnant, I need to constantly be moving in a forward direction, to keep having a goal to aim for, to make myself better and stronger. I need to be focused, focus has always been an issue for me. I need to get this damned paper done, I need to make sure I'm practicing. Studies/music come first, and everything else comes after. I can do this but nobody said it was easy.

I am not

Going to be on the backburner. I am not going to tolerate disrespect. I am a lady. Maybe not a lady from Spain, but I can still unscrew the stars. My love, even and especially for my friends, is strong and true and rare. And I am not going to waste it any longer. I can't do this. I refuse to be in any kind of relationship like my mom and my dad's. I am going to have standards and they are going to be met. It hurts. So much, I can't even begin to explain it. But if I am not worth your time anymore to even garner the least bit of respect, it's my fault. Because I have let you get away with shit, I have catered to you, I have never argued a fucking thing and stood up for myself. But my attitude has changed now. I am a lady and I will demand to be treated like one, and I will start to make my standards higher. Not just for relationships but for friendships. I'm sorry. It's painful. So much. But I think being disillusioned is the best thing that's happened for me right now. It's allowing me to move on. And once I get past this, hopefully you realize that you value me. And if you don't realize it... then I guess I just had it coming then, didn't I?

All in all, I hope I will Be OK.