Something Promised...

Excerpts from “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf” that mean something to me.

“dark phrases of womanhood
of never havin been a girl
half-notes scattered
without rhythm / no tune
distraught laughter fallin
over a black girl’s shoulder
it’s funny / it’s hysterical
the melody-less-ness of her dance
don’t tell nobody don’t tell a soul
she’s dancing on beer cans & shingles

this must be the spook house
another song with no singers
lyrics / no voices & interrupted solos
unseen performances

are we ghouls?
children of horror?
the joke?
don’t tell nobody don’t tell a soul
are we animals? have we gone crazy?

I can’t hear anything
But maddening screams
& the soft strains of death
& you promised me
you promised me…
somebody / anybody
sing a black girl’s song
bring her out
to know yourself
to know you
but sing her rhythms
carin / struggle / hard times
sing her song of life
she’s been dead so long
closed in silence so long
she doesn’t know the sound
of her own voice
her infinite beauty
she’s half-notes scattered
without rhythm / no tune
sing her sighs
sing the song of her possibilities
sing a righteous gospel
let her be born
let her be born
& handled warmly”

“but you are of no assistance
I want you to know
this waz an experiment
to see if I was capable of debasing my self for the love of another
if I cd stand not being wanted
when I wanted to be wanted
& I cannot.”

“I don’t wanna write
in English or Spanish
i wanna sing / make you dance
like the bata dance scream
twitch hips wit me cuz
I done forgot all abt words
aint got no definitions
I wanna whirl with you”

“we deal wit emotion too much
so why don’t we go on ahead & be white then /
& make everythin dry & abstract wit no rhythm & no
reelin for sheer sensual pleasure / yes let’s go on
& be white / we’re right in the middle of it / no use
holdin out / holdin onto ourselves / lets think our
way outta feeling / lets abstract ourselves some families
& maybe maybe tonite / I’ll find a way to make myself
come witout you / no fingers or other objects just thot
which isn’t spiritual evolution cuz its empty & godliness
is plenty is ripe & fertile / thinking wont do me a bit of
good tonite / I need to be loved / & haven’t the audacity to say
where are you / & don’t know who to say it to…”

“i’ve lost it
touch wit reality / i don’t know who’s doin it
i thot i waz but i waz so stupid i waz able to be hurt
& that’s not real / not anymore / i shd be immune / if i’m
still alive & that’s what I waz discussin/ how I am still
alive & my dependency on other livin beins for love
I survive on intimacy & tomorrow / that’s all I’ve got goin
& the music waz like smack & you knew abt that
& still refused my dance waz not enuf / & it was all I had
but bein alive & bein a woman & bein colored is a metaphysical
dilemma / I haven’t conquered yet / do you see the point
my spirit is too ancient to understand the sepration of
soul & gender / my love is too delicate to have thrown back on my face”

"my love is too music to have thrown back on my face"

"I was missing something
Something important
Something promised"

“I found god in myself & I loved her / I loved her fiercely”